As a summary, one of the things we discussed was the idea that our God is a relational God and has created us as relational beings. God himself exists within the community and relationship of the trinity. God the father, Jesus the Son, and the Holy Spirit are equals sharing in the essence of God. Within God lies an essential connectedness. I believe we were created with a longing for this connectedness, above all else our hearts long to be connected with God. An issue arises when our lives are out of balance and we are not connected to God, we begin to turn to other places to try to fill that void. One of those places is relationships. Relationships are not a bad thing, they are a part of what we are created for (see Adam and Eve – Genesis 2:18) but we need to be aware of God’s design for relationships.
- Above anything else, we should love God. (Matthew 22: 37-38) What we value most is the object of our worship, often we elevate ourselves or others to a place of worship that is intended for God only. This is the primary example of connectedness being out of balance and it causes our relationships to not be as healthy as they should be. Ever seen relationships where one of people within the couple is extremely jealous or worried about the relationship ending? These are just a couple signs that perhaps God is not being worshipped in the relationship above all else.
- You are not ready to be in a relationship if you are not content and at peace with not being in a relationship. Our focus needs to be on our relationship with God and we should find satisfaction in him. Relationships with others can be an attempt to fill the void in our hearts that only God can fill. Do you know anyone who is desperate to be in a relationship and who constantly seeks them out because they hate to be alone or because they need to be in a relationship to make them feel better about themselves? These are signs that we are not ready to be in a relationship but instead need to turn our hearts to God.
- Dating should be done with marriage in mind. Dating is not pointless, its not a game, its not something to be played with. While in high school, you probably don’t want to think about marriage or future relationships but you should be aware that the decisions you make now in your relationships you will carry with you the rest of your lives. Proverbs 4:23 tells us that above all else we should guard our hearts, I don't think we fully understand how quickly our hearts can get drawn into relationships and what the ramifications of that are. Are we giving parts of our heart away? If you're nowhere near being ready for marriage you should know that and you should approach the idea of relationships and whether or not you should be in one with that in mind.
- Should I date a non-Christian? (2 Corinthians 6:14-16) If you are a Christian, your aim in life should be to draw closer to God everyday of your life. Following Christ should impact all your decisions. These things are not a part of the lives of people who do not follow God and it is not wise to enter a relationship with those who have a very different view of life from you. Entering a relationship with someone who you think you can change is not a good idea, if you need evidence of this ask any adult Christian who is married to a non-Christian what they think of the idea, I guarantee that you will get some interesting advice leading you away from dating someone who doesn’t share your beliefs. I had this same conversation with an 88 year old man last week who was married for over 65 years before his wife passed away last year – I asked him what is the most important part of a marriage and his answer was “shared beliefs.” This gentleman has seen several marriages of his children crumble and has seen his own get stronger over the years, I put a lot of stock in his words and wisdom. If you decided to date or marry someone who is not a Christian then you are joining yourself with someone whose life goals and direction are going somewhere different from yours. You will either compromise your faith or live with an extreme amount of tension and turmoil in your life – both of which have significant consequences.
- You are not ready to be in a relationship if you cannot or are not willing to communicate your sexual boundaries with the person you are getting in a relationship with. You need to know where you stand and you need to be willing to hold strongly to that and to communicate, if you can’t – you’re playing with fire and are entering dangerous territory. But where do we draw the lines sexually? Scripture does not tell us plainly where we can and can’t touch someone before marriage or how long we can kiss but it does give us plenty of direction in the area. The bottom line is that as Christians, we should understand that sex is designed for within the marriage commitment and anything outside of that is adultery. We should draw our lines in such a way that we take sex and lust very seriously, we should protect ourselves and others. Jesus tells us that to even look at another lustfully is adultery (Matthew 5:27-30). The higher we set our boundaries, the better off we are. If you would like to read more about this, I highly recommend Sex is not the Problem, Lust Is by Joshua Harris.
- Don't do relationships alone. Sounds like an odd statement since relationships require more than one person but the point here is that you should have other people who are in the loop in regards to your relationship. You should have trusted friends and mentors who you can share your thoughts with and who you are open to hearing advice from in regards to your relationship decisions. If you are afraid to include others, that's a sign that you really need to. I know I've benefitted from and continue to benefit from hearing from trusted friends and mentors in regards to relationships, they have helped me to make much better decisions than I would have on my own.
- Our relationships with other people should make their lives better. As we grow closer to Christ, we become transformed into his image. As we take up our crosses and follow Christ, our lives are marked by his way of living. If we are not growing closer to God, our relationships are suffer because our lives are not moving in the direction they should be. Read 1 Corinthians 13:1-8, your relationships should be marked by these things in profound ways. When we don’t set sexual boundaries and push limits, when we act out in jealousy, when we don’t respect and put others needs above our own – we act in relationships the way the rest of the world does and we do harm to those we are in relationship with. We are called to something greater, we are called to be a light in darkness, we are called to be a part of the body of the bride of Christ and our lives should demonstrate the love of God. We won’t do that perfectly, we’ll mess up from time to time but that is where our lives should be heading, that should be the direction of our decisions.
**If there are other aspects of relationships you want discussed here on the blog, just leave a comment or shoot me an email**
